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[ He smiles a little at her description, not bothering to correct her, but it quickly turns rueful, pinched at the corners. ]

They were my family. I grew up in the Order.

[ And then they were all gone, almost in a matter of minutes. Tens of thousands of Jedi, all betrayed by their troops and cut down. It's been five years since then, and it's a little easier for him to talk about now—but still, his expression is subdued, that old grief climbing up his throat. ]

Anakin—the other Jedi you met—he came from before. [ That's probably why he's even here, though: ] I don't know if he made it.

[He's reticent. Most men are. Neglectful of their hearts, hardening their exteriors. She's written about the easing of those barriers, piece by piece, between winsome women and the difficult men they choose to love.

None of those fancies give her anything to work with now. She doesn't think he'd like it if she softly brushed the hair from his face.

Instead she's gone silent again. Anakin, from before. What could that mean, that he was some resurrected hero from a time long past? And — hey, just when did she decide to give credence to these outlandish stories people keep spinning?

She purses her lips and shoots him a look, but...

...

He looks like a child. Underneath that thin-lipped smile and protective posture is an old wound, something left to fester. That's not faked. Not simulated. She hopes not. She can't trust that this train is real, but the pain this boy feels is.

Finally, she speaks.]

I-I...I think I heard something like that happening to another passenger, too. Not that it makes it easier, but. Um. [She's biting into her thumb again. When did that happen?] Y-you're not alone you know! There's other people here with sad things and. Stories about...Though that doesn't make what happened to you any less sh-shitty.

[And if it were an order of Knights with mind powers, just what would it take to wipe them out? Killers with even bigger, scarier mind powers? Ugh. Sci-fi was not her genre. Too much was possible and the stakes were never real.

War, though. Annihilation. Those are concepts that carry anywhere.]

There's a lot of stories that glorify being alone. The lone warrior, the lone w-wolf. But in the end, I think they're p-pretty stupid. Maybe being alone makes you tough in some ways, but...who the hell is meant to be alone? What kind of existence is that?

So. It's okay. Not that it's okay th-that that happened to you but that...it hurts. And you miss them. [Does this make her sound like an idiot? Or did she get too far away from what he was saying in the first place?]

I hope he made it too. Did you talk to him about it?

[ All it takes is her first couple of sentences for him to relax, let his grief settle again, and smile, all softness and warmth. She's trying her best to console and comfort him—that's easy enough for him to see—even if she isn't particularly good or confident about it.

But she's trying, and that's plenty enough for him. And hey, it does work. ]

I do miss them. But you're right—it's okay. It took me a really long time to realize that.

[ There's a hint of humor there, referencing his very difficult journey coming to terms with the loss. This journey has everything! Zombies, shirtless hobo grandpas, locking eyes with your opponent over your crossed lightsabers in a sexy way, locking eyes with your opponent over your crossed lightsabers in a not sexy way, hot goth space witches, mental breakdowns over crystals, and getting stabbed in a way that should kill you but somehow didn't.

It was very eventful.

He shifts a little to turn partway towards her, legs stretching out. Still with that warm smile on his face. ]

I did. He knows about what happens to us, the Jedi.

[thanks for the weekend update Stefon.

His smile draws a small echo from her. There and gone again, her eyes back on the grass. She's no good at speeches. Komaru wasn't either, but she spoke from the heart with such ease that Toko hopes she's done her at least a little proud. He seems in better spirits. That's what matters.

Ugh. All this sentimentality. He better not expect this out of her again.]

Hmm...I...uh. [Her thumb is between her teeth again as she mulls the possibility over.] I know there's plenty of stories about time travel and how w-warning people about the future doesn't work out, but... Those are just stories. Written by people, and people are never as clever as they think they are. M-maybe some part of him will remember what you said, and he'll make a quick getaway.

Besides, it would be a shame to lose a guy like him... [Is that a blush painting her cheeks just now? Did her eyes turn a dreamy glance to the heavens? Perhaps.]

...Oh!

[Toko snaps out of the daydream and without warning, snatches Cal's hand in hers. The other hand, not the one with the thumb that was just in her mouth.]

I-I've washed today! So you have no right to complain, got it?

[She has. Lucky you.]

[ Is now the time to tell Toko that Jedi aren't allowed to be in romantic relationships? And that, furthermore, Anakin is actually already married, despite this?

Nah. Actually, he kind of just assumes she has a soft spot for Anakin... in a platonic way. ]

Yeah, mayb—

[ Oh. She's just grabbing his hand. Okay! He lets out a surprised little huff of laughter and relaxes around the touch, allowing it easily enough. ]

Don't worry, I wasn't even thinking about complaining.

[ But... good to know her hand is clean? He guesses. It is kind of weird, holding hands with someone else for the first time since... he can't even remember, honestly. But also kind of nice too? Her hand is small in his, and warm, and much softer than his own, but it's... a connection. ]

[don't RUIN THIS FOR HER

Anakin can ruin it by himself thanks.

She gives him a look at his admission. Was he being for real?

Her glance flicks down to their entwined hands. Hers might disappear under his. It's broad and tough, a little calloused. He's no soft-palmed high school boy. And yet when she looks at him, hears him talk with that easy chagrin, it's almost like being with that guy. Mr. No Offense Taken, Mr. Easy Goes It, Mr. I Believe in You No Matter What. How can anyone keep that attitude their whole life? Isn't it exhausting? How the hell are you supposed to blindly believe in people when all they do is let you down?

When Toko catches Cal's eye now, that wary look has intensified into an assessing squint.]

You know... [Her hand twitches. Involuntary. This is odd for her too. The first time she's ever held hands with a boy, and of course it's on a stupid dare.] F-for someone who's been through as much as you, you're way too trusting.

Edited 2021-08-29 20:06 (UTC)

[ This isn't really the first time he's been on the receiving end of such a wary look, so he just raises his eyebrows in response, as if to ask: what?

Ah. ]

I am?

[ It's funny, because that's not really how he'd describe himself. Maybe not compared to other Jedi—Jedi who are fully in tune with the Force, who are open to emotions through the Living Force, are very difficult to lie to or trick, so it's easy for them to decide where to place their trust.

Cal isn't quite there yet. It's more like... he wants to trust, after so many years living in hiding, paranoid and closed off and so very alone. Even if it isn't always so easy as just wanting.

Using his free hand, he reaches up and sweeps his hand through his hair, expression thoughtful. He's looking at this the wrong way—is it just that he's too trusting compared to her? What kind of life has she lived? What kind of place does she come from? ]

Are you saying I should be more suspicious of you?

[There it is again. That non-plussed "Who, Me?" face, like what she's said is so beyond the measure of reason. It fits Cal with the same ease it fits Naegi.

Then he slaps her caution back into her face.]

Pluh—k-k-k—I-I meant this s-situation! Not me! [Toko takes a break from spluttering to shove her glasses back up the bridge of her nose. The effect is that of a slighted professor, vying for control after a raucous student prank.] Though it's p-pretty stupid to trust the first person that messages you. You have no idea who I am. What if I'd lied about my result? What if that survey t-told me to go rob somebody, or cut off their fingers? You led me right to your location without thinking twice about it. What, did you assume j-just because I'm some pathetic little girl that nothing could go wrong?

[She gives a short huff and scowls at her knees.] You can't m-m-mind-float your way out of everything, you know. No one is invincible.

Edited (phone tagging was a mistake) 2021-09-01 14:37 (UTC)

[ No one is invincible. He thinks of the Order and its many thousands of powerful Jedi, all strong in the Force, and how it should have been invincible. But it fell, along with all those Jedi, in a matter of moments.

That sobers him, his gaze falling to their still-entwined hands, though he isn't really seeing them. ]

I know I'm definitely not invincible, trust me. [ And added a second later, a small thread of humor laced through his tone: ] And I would never underestimate you.

[ He still has an ache in his side, where that Sith Lord stabbed him—always a reminder of how close he came to never leaving Nur. A humbling experience, if there ever was one. ]

I didn't trust the first person who messaged me. I trusted you. And you didn't lie, did you? And my fingers are still here.

[ He gives her hand a gentle squeeze, as if to punctuate his point. There's an equal amount of gentleness in his voice. ]

[Never underestimate her, huh?

Her lips thin. She's done a decent job keeping things under control so far. The longer they're on this train the less chance she has of keeping it up. Maybe living in a world with actual super powers does force you to think twice. Anyone could be anything. Maybe he's met worse. What would a true sadist do with abilities like his?

She shudders. If Jill had been anything more than human, they'd have to put her down. Sometimes Toko wonders if she shouldn't have anyway. Spoken to the police. Retreated somewhere quiet and dealt with it alone. The only reason she's still kicking is because the world went crazier than she already was.

He mentions chides her over the jab about fingers and gives her own a squeeze. Toko has to look away then. She's gone squirrelish all of a sudden. How does the universe keep spitting out personified sunshine when it's so determined to go to pot?

She still squeezes back. A delayed reciprocation, but a poignant one.]

F-fine...just d-don't expect anything more than this...

[Not like she's got a lot to offer in the first place, but...she doesn't regret asking him to help.]

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